


Good Omens: become human

by Reece_s_pieces



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Other, Slow Burn, basically they get found out earlier than in canon, pretty gay sorry if you're not into that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 19:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19625485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reece_s_pieces/pseuds/Reece_s_pieces
Summary: It is 1979 and the Demon Crowley gets a threatening message from hell. His little affair with a certain angel hasn't gone unnoticed in Hells books.at the same time, the angel Aziraphale gets a similar talk from his headquarters and both are pretty on edge.how are they possibly going to avoid punishment?by giving away their celestial powers and being reincarnated as humans of course!the world will welcome Anthony Jabez Templeton and Aaron Blake Cain-Fell with open arms but who is going to keep Armageddon in check after they're gone?(the original name for this fic was Human Incarnate but since some other writer already used it my love for Detroit: Become human won)





	Good Omens: become human

**Author's Note:**

> hello, welcome to my fan-fiction! I hope my stupid idea will entertain somebody and I hope I won't get many things wrong historically speaking mostly haha.  
> I'm mainly writing for fun but if anyone is up for some constructive criticism it is welcome
> 
> anyway, the basic plot of the story is that Hell and Heaven find out about ineffable husbands earlier than they do in canon and the trials are set to happen in the 80s instead but Crowley and Zira escape it by performing a ritual that lets them reincarnate as humans and basically live through a human life (yeah I took some creative liberties) so that they cannot be tracked (everyone loves some reincarnation angst right?) the story will follow them and their new families through their lives with some reference to the canon events that should've happened to them
> 
> enough rambling, enjoy!

One day, Crowley was driving around London in his Bentley god knows where probably to perform a minor demonic temptation here or there, or so his headquarters would think. In reality, Crowley was driving for absolutely no reason looking for something to do. Sure there were a lot of things he could’ve done, he was immortal after all, but he was bored out of his mind anyway.  
He could’ve contacted Aziraphale to maybe just hang out- no too weird he would have to have a reason. You don’t just go and ask people if they want to hang out. Crowley lost that privilege after knowing Aziraphale for more than 4000 years. The Angel was probably arranging his tea in alphabetical order and called it being busy and Crowley could see it clear as daylight in his mind (unknownst to Crowley, Aziraphale had arranged his teas before so it would be ridiculous for him to do it again)  
He growled under his breath at the thought and slapped a tape into the tape player and bohemian rhapsody by velvet underground started playing. He rolled his eyes but couldn’t really do anything about it, it had already been a fortnight. Crowley drove severely over the speed limit around for some time longer while thinking feverishly for something to do. He didn’t want to go sleep at the moment even though the thought of sleeping for decades seemed tempting. Nobody would notice anyway, right? His slender fingers tapped against the steering wheel and his eyes flickered to the scenery around him. He's seen it many times before but it never managed to be any less surprising to him. Humans were a creative and resourceful lot and almost always some little thing had changed. Crowley had always admired these traits in humans. Today though it didn’t bring him any joy and a nervous hiss escaped his lips. It felt like something bad was going to happen. Obviously, him being a demon and all he usually ignored such stupid gut feelings as ‘danger’, ‘bad’ or ‘spooky’ as he was a big fan of all them, but something was really really wrong to the point Crowley couldn’t relish in the absolute evil of the world (not that he usually did but he’s gotta play the part sometimes.)  
“Crowley” Freddie Mercury’s voice called out to him from the radio and snapped him right out of his thoughts and his eyes were nailed to the dashboard, knuckles gripping the steering wheel.  
“You’re in big trouble,” the voice in the radio gradually cleared up and then started laughing maniacally. Hastur, The Duke of Hell. One massive wanker, if you asked Crowley.  
“Whatever do you mean?” Crowley asked carefully, not like Hastur would hear the lisp in his voice anyway.  
“We know of your little ‘activities’ on earth for the past thousands of years” Hastur’s voice sizzled from the radio with very verbal air quotes that made Crowley immediately understand what tree he was barking at.  
“It doesn’t look too good for you, now does it?”  
Crowley had to think of something fast. The forces of hell weren’t contacting him to mess around, he would most likely be destroyed faster than you could say wahoo. He could go back to his apartment and use his insurance… but Aziraphale could be in trouble too.  
“We’re coming to get you Crowley and don’t even think about running away with your little haloed boyfriend he’s not in heavens good books either” this made Crowley stop the Bentley, throw the tape out the window not caring if Hastur was finished with his message and speed towards the West-end of London at unnatural speeds. He needed to reach the bookshop in Soho even if it was the last thing he did.

“Aziraphale!” Crowley screamed as he kicked in the door of an old bookshop  
“Where the hell are you?”  
“I’m right here Crowley there is no need to shout” a voice called from the back room of the shop. After some time Aziraphale emerged gracefully from the back room but the same nervous energy that was plaguing every inch of Crowley’s body that was still slumped against the door was plastered on his face. Crowley took notice.  
“What’s happened to you? Heaven rain down on you?” He asked and managed to smirk but Aziraphale didn’t return the enthusiasm.  
“Yes, unfortunately... I assume your side isn’t clueless either?”  
“You could say that,” Crowley said and miracled the door closed behind him.  
“Did you get a rude note from Gabriel or something? Don’t take him for an aggressive bloke”  
Aziraphale lets out a small laugh as if Gabriel was in the room. Crowley had slowly made his way closer to the Angel and eyed him suspiciously.  
“Am I wrong?”  
“Well… you see I-”  
“Spit it out already”  
“Not exactly”

Earlier that day Aziraphale had decided to go for a nice walk just for fun and to avoid customers at the shop. There was one fellow that was way too interested in his first edition Oscar Wildes who visited always on a Wednesday, so like any logical person, Aziraphale had resorted to closing the shop for all of Wednesday. Why he didn’t just have a library is still a mystery. Maybe a bookshop is more aesthetically pleasing?  
When he was returning back to his shop however he was confronted by 3 very coldly familiar faces of Michael, Uriel, and Sandalphon. They trapped him to a street corner near his shop and seemingly nobody noticed nor helped even though they all stuck out like a sore thumb. They pinned him to a wall, threatened Aziraphale a bit told him they knew about his fraternizing with the Demon Crowley and told him to repent or there would be consequences...but Aziraphale wasn’t really listening as Uriel's intimidation technique was too effective. They left promptly afterwards so report to Heaven and to prepare for a trial following and Aziraphale returned to his shop where he has been for the past two hours mostly arranging his cookbooks to calm himself.

“What do you mean ‘not exactly’?” Crowley inquired much to Aziraphale's dismay.  
“Much more of a verbal talking to, than a note, dear”  
“Ah,” Crowley returned and moved onto watching outside from the windows in case Hastur and Ligur would turn up at the door. He wouldn’t put it past them though burning down the bookshop would be more characteristic for them. (it was their idea to burn the library of Alexandria too, bastards)  
“So what now?” asked Aziraphale while looking at Crowley still peering outside. He had become accustomed to the hissing but today it was almost nonstop. Maybe Crowley hadn’t noticed? Aziraphale gathered that he was very on edge and wasn’t used to seeing him like this. His laidback nature always surrounded him like an aura of sorts and every room that he steps into just becomes slightly more relaxed*. Now it was like there were spikes sticking out of him in all directions.

*notably this isn't the case, Aziraphale just hasn’t seen Crowley anywhere without him.

“I don’t know”  
“Well, there must be something we can do! Who knows what they’ll do to us”  
Crowley stopped looking outside and instead looked back at Aziraphale.  
“They‘ll destroy us, angel,” he said and saw the shock on the Angels face.  
“Of course they’ll destroy us Aziraphale”  
He knew this but still refused to believe it. Neither of them wanted to believe it. All the years on earth, years spent together, brought to an abrupt end. All the lunch dates, small miracles and favours and life-saving acts… just done. Over. Gone.  
“maybe … we could lie to them,” Aziraphale suggested  
“What good is lying gonna do now, they know everything!” Crowley snapped and went back to looking outside. Nothing had changed yet but evil was lurking right around the corner. (it usually is, but laziness is also a quality evil embodies)  
“Well, then we’ll explain everything,” Aziraphale continued  
“And we shall receive a fair trial”  
Crowley looked at the angel dumbfounded. He couldn’t possibly be serious.  
“Have you ever heard anyone say fair and Hell in the same sentence? because I haven’t either. There is no way your headquarters will be very fair to a traitor either!”  
“No Crowley we could explain we’ve done everything they’ve asked for and then maybe get off-”  
“We’re you going to say easy? Because that won’t happen, angel! How can you be so stupid sometimes?” Crowley spat and frantically started to pace around the shop. There must be some way out. Aziraphale instead quietly sat down and mulled over Crowley's words and realised he was right about Heaven and Hell. They won’t be kind to traitors. The word made Aziraphale wince. He didn’t want to be in Heavens bad books! He liked to think that he was a fairly good Angel, he did his job most of the time, stayed out of trouble and was keeping eyes on a Demon as an Angel should… well, maybe that last part didn’t really count. He again looked up at Crowley and tried to think of a way out.  
“Can they track us down, dear? Maybe we could just go into hiding?” He asked and Crowley stopped with a small spark in his eyes, which then immediately faded.  
“Nah I think they could find us… although maybe space is an option…” He continued murmuring to himself and Aziraphale sighed. He then went to the window and looked out to the street which was going on about its day like normal. To the people on the streets, nothing was out of ordinary except that damned streetlight was flickering again and it wasn’t even evening yet. Some of the people gathering around a Tv also noticed the news going off about snow in the Sahara desert but thought they were being tricked and some nutcase screamed about government conspiracies which everyone of course ignored.  
“Oh, how easy would it be to just blend in with the humans right now,” Aziraphale said which caused Crowley to stop in his tracks then turn around with the same spark in his eyes and nearly shook Aziraphale off his feet.  
“Brilliant! We’ll become humans! That way they can’t track us!” He exclaimed and slithered around the shop looking through books (making sure to be careful he knew how much Aziraphale cared) hoping to find something helpful.  
“What?” Aziraphale managed to ask after recovering from the shock of hearing Crowley’s words and being shaken to the core  
“We’ll become humans” Crowley repeated little calmer and now engrossed in some book about witchcraft. “There must be one God- Satan… whatever, a damn book here that can help us”  
It was Aziraphales turn to stare dumbfounded.  
“I don’t think such book exists Crowley,” he said and placed the book Crowley abandoned back to the shelf. Crowley rolled his eyes continuing to search for an answer a bit hopelessly but with good spirit.  
“Why not? Angels can become demons, why not humans?  
“Because that’s not how it works!”  
“Yeah? Have you tried?”  
“There must be some other, plausible, way of doing this!”  
Crowley huffed and as by some ineffable plan, his hand landed to a specific book.  
“Huh? Why is this book written in Enochian?”  
Aziraphale walked over and took a look at the book.  
“Quite peculiar… I don’t remember having this book”  
They both looked through the strange incoherent writings in the book until they landed on a page of a detailed story of a supposedly fallen Angel, except they didn’t fall completely. They were kicked out of heaven but didn’t go to Hell either so God gave them a chance to prove themselves and made them human to atone for their sins.  
“What did I say, angel?” Crowley exclaimed, “It even has a ritual here!”  
Aziraphale was too relieved to answer as this meant they would be able to escape. And without more words, they went to get supplies for the ritual and agreed to meet at the bookshop an hour later.

Neither Crowley or Aziraphale ran into trouble during their ‘shopping’ but Heaven or Hell had forgotten about them yet. Particularly not Hell as the lot down there always seemed more efficient than the lot upstairs. Angels don’t even check on their operatives most of the time (talk about having a God complex). Hastur and Ligur were lurking outside the bookshop* looking for any activity that might announce the presence of the Demon Crowley. 

*Note: Neither of them knew Aziraphale owned the shop until reading “A.Z Fell” on the sign they simply found Crowleys Bentley outside about an hour ago

“Wonder what they’re up to now,” Ligur pondered out loud “Haven’t seen them in a while. Do you think they legged it?”  
Hastur scoffed from behind the wheel but also had doubts about the whereabouts of the strange pair. Somehow he hadn’t noticed them sneaking off to their respective ways but luckily for him they’d come back later as agreed.  
“They couldn’t have gone far” he responded and looks over to the shop again trying to peer inside to no avail. He had seen Crowley and the Angel peer outside maybe twice but since then it had been very quiet and nothing had happened if you don’t count the fact a Duke of Hell couldn’t notice an Angel and Demon leaving the building.  
“We could always smoke them out, right? Heaven might thank us for taking care of the Angel too”  
Hastur's nonexistent stomach turned at the idea of Heaven being grateful for his actions, but his desire to burn something overwrote this disgust. Burning the bookshop might just do the job.  
“We’ll wait for 10 more minutes,” He said just before he noticed Crowley walking back into the shop.  
“Uh, Hastur,”  
“10 minutes, we need the Angel too”

“There you are” Aziraphale smiled when Crowley finally stepped back into the bookshop. He was carrying an assortment of things with him and he threw the bag to the floor after closing the door. Some candles, a set of strange magazines and an apple that rolled out of the bag to the floor. Crowley wasn’t actually sure if they would help the ritual at all since the instructions mainly boiled down to ‘Beg God for mercy in 1000 different languages’ as if he hadn’t tried that already. Aziraphale just hoped for the best.  
“Shall we begin?” Crowley smirked and this time Aziraphale smiled back.  
“Yes we shall”

Outside the shop, Ligur and Hastur were still lurking debating on whether they should storm the shop with only Crowley in it or wait for the Angel also to appear (the more the pair thought of Heaven singing their praise the more they liked the idea). Hastur had grown impatient.  
“Right they’ve been there for over 15 minutes now let’s go!” Hastur exclaimed and Ligur was already halfway out the car. They kicked in the door and caught Aziraphale and Crowley off guard in the middle of the ritual.  
“Not so fast Crowley,” Hastur demanded and mentally commanded Ligur to take care of the Angel but the Demon was already pulling The Angel with him almost instinctively. They rushed to the door so fast Hastur and Lugur could do nothing but watch.  
“S’cuse me lot gotta go,” Crowley simply said and started running towards the streets with Aziraphale. Hastur turned around, let out a string of swear words and screamed at Ligur to get on the trail of the pair. They chased them through the narrow alleys of London all the while Aziraphale and Crowley kept reciting words in many ancient languages hand in hand like their lives depended on it (they did) much to Hasturs confusion. He only understood half as he was trying to run at the same time. Ligur had dropped off from the chase two blocks back.  
The pair still chanting forgotten languages turned to a brilliant garden out of desperation and ran inside, hoping to hide for long enough to finish the ritual. Hastur smirked as he realised that it’d be a dead-end for the runaways. Satan himself should be proud of his tracking skills, he thought. He then heard a deafening scream coming from the mouths of both Crowley and Aziraphale, felt a wave of energy surge past him as if something exploded and then nothing. He stopped in his tracks for a second and carefully tipped into the garden. It was eerily quiet but again as Hastur was a demon he couldn’t sense it in the same way as a human for example. He rather enjoyed it. The garden was very neat and well-taken care of and even Hastur would dare to say beautiful. It carried some holy sanctuary, which he didn’t like, but the garden was still a rather peaceful place. Maybe he could destroy it someday. He continued to walk inwards to the garden past rosebushes cherry blossoms and saw two apple trees in the middle. He wondered what kind of a garden it was it clearly didn’t have a coherent theme. It was as if someone made a garden with the same idea as Noahs Ark. He still walked to the trees and behind them, he found two cold bodies lying on the grass still holding hands though much more relaxed than before and knowing smiles on their faces  
“Oh bugger”  
It ended as it had started, with a garden.

**Author's Note:**

> the first chapter is pretty short but other chapters will be longer as I'll have more to write about :D


End file.
